Friday, June 3, 2011

Ivan the kamikaze kite

For the past two evenings, I have composed posts in my head. They were wonderful - witty, insightful, entertaining.

For the past two mornings, I have woken up to "empty head syndrome." Which is just a fancy name for not having a flipping clue what I had been planning on writing about. Not a clue. My head is empty of all inspiration.

I searched and searched for ideas and inspiration and did come up with a couple of ideas. Unfortunately, in addition to my severe case of empty head syndrome, I am also suffering from an acute case of laziness. One of my ideas involved scanning a photo and today that just seems like way too much work. Another idea involved taking a photo...again, way too much effort involved there!

I decided to drink some coffee for a jolt of caffeine, and motivation, and search through my memory card for inspiration. As I did so, I realized that I never told you about Ivan.

The Boy had to make a kite for his Geometry project. He had to measure and cut and design it, incorporate a geometric pattern onto it, write a story about it, and fly it.

The Boy worked hard on his kite. He planned out every tiny detail and Mommie Dearest had to search high and low for the required (by him) materials. This involved two trips to Michael's and another trip to the party store for a red plastic table cloth.
Everything was measured and cut. He used fishing line...

And planned a simple geometric pattern so he couldn't mess it up! He used black and red because his kite, which was named Ivan, was a Russian warrior kite. He and his partner wrote a story about Ivan the warrior kite and it was really cute.

When he took his kite into school, he realized that (1) many parents had apparently done the project for their kids and (2) a lot of kids had made their kites from a kit.

He was a bit disheartened, but he had faith in his design and his materials and complete confidence in Ivan's flying abilities.

Finally, the big day came and the class assembled outside to fly their kites. The Boy was confident, as he had practiced his kite flying skills with another kite over the weekend. He took a fishing pole with him to school to enhance Ivan's aeronautic abilities. The Boy got Ivan up in the air...Ivan looked great - the Russian warrior colors were impressive looking against the blue skies.

But then, Ivan faltered.

Ivan began to pitch and plunge. He was out of control. The Boy frantically tried to control Ivan's frantic lurching and diving...but it was too late. Ivan careened wildly into the teacher's legs.

The Boy was sure that this was not a positive indicator for his grade on the project.

When The Boy came home, he decided to test Ivan again from the dock, where he had had positive results before.

Ivan looked wonderful. He soared up into the wind...

And then...

Ivan twitched. He quavered. He zoomed to the left. He twitched again. He lurched to the right. His flying became erratic and psychotic. He zigged and he zagged and then...

He began his death spiral.

It was tragic.

Ivan dipped and plunged and lurched and leaped sporadically before he spiralled into the water. And he drowned.

The Boy got a "B" on his project.

The End.

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