This letting go thing isn't easy.
Now that The Boy is a junior in high school, he isn't so thrilled with having his parents drop him off and pick him up from school. He's been getting a ride to and from school with a friend. (And Katie, I cannot tell you how much I appreciated NOT having to do that early morning drive to school - thank you!!)
I do trust the kids he rides with. I do. They're great kids. And I know they're safe drivers. But...it's hard. It's hard to let go and know that I am no longer in control. Anything could happen. And I'm not in control.
And, well, I have a confession to make. You see, I am a bit of a control freak. I like things to be organized. I like schedules. I like to be on time. So, this letting go thing is even harder for me.
When The Boy texts me to say, "Hey...I've got a ride home", I panic a tiny bit. I quickly text him back to ask who he is riding with. I breathe a sigh of relief when it is someone I know and trust. Yet I still wait nervously for him to arrive home safely. I insist that he text me when he leaves the school so I know he is on his way. My stomach knots up in nervousness until I know he is home and all is well.
I try to distract myself from my thoughts of what COULD happen now that I'm not in control. I have to remind myself that he is a smart and cautious boy. I take deep breaths and turn on music and pace uncertainly as I wait for my boy/child/man to arrive. I pray, and I pace some more and I hate the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
And then I hear the car door slam and my boy walks confidently through the door and hugs me. "Hey Mom", he says, "how was your day?" I smile at my almost grown up baby and answer nonchalantly, "OK." My stomach settles and my heart slows and I know that he is safe. He is fine. He is growing up and growing away from me and it is OK.
It is OK, but it is not easy.
Going home to Texas...trip re-cap.
5 hours ago