What to expect?

Years ago, when I was much younger and pregnant with my first child, I bought this book.

I consulted it often. I read it cover to cover. I knew every stage that my baby was going through. I would regale Mr. Wonderful with information about our baby...how big he was that week, whether his eyes or ears had formed yet, whether he was moving or sucking his thumb. We didn't have computers or the world wide web then, so other than my doctor, this was my only source of information.

In spite of the fact that the book was supposedly about what to expect when you are expecting, I really wasn't prepared at all for the many changes my body went through during pregnancy...the baby hiccups, the inability to go more than 5 minutes without having to pee, the random baby body parts that would poke me in the bladder or suddenly appear bulging from my skin, or the bright blue veins that suddenly appeared  all over my body. And I was definitely not prepared for labor. Or the delivery. I had NO idea what labor pains felt like. I was certainly not prepared for feeling as though I had an alien inside my body which was going to have to get out...and I really didn't like to think about HOW that alien was coming out!

I was so woefully unprepared for the reality of childbirth, that I actually went into the hospital thinking I was going to have a "natural delivery." Ha! There's nothing natural about pushing the equivalent of an 8 pound bowling ball out. I quickly came to my senses and demanded asked for an epidural. The nurses and doctor cautioned me that it might make my labor longer. I looked at them and stated maniacally firmly, "I don't give a crap as long as I CAN'T FEEL IT!!" They quickly complied with my demands wishes and I credit that lovely, wonderful epidural for the fact that I was willing to do it all again two years later.

Neither the book, nor my doctor, prepared me to expect to be so sore afterwards that I would have to sit on an inflatable doughnut for a week after delivery. In spite of the obvious shortcomings of the book, I bought another one of these books after my son was born.

Again, I consulted the book nearly every day so I could make sure my baby was meeting every milestone and developing properly. 

Again, I was disappointed by the many things I was NOT prepared for. For example, I was completely unprepared for being hit in the face with an amazingly accurate stream of baby boy pee pee the first time I changed my little darling. I quickly learned to cover the armed missile before taking the diaper off. I was also completely unaware that baby girls sometimes have a bit of blood after birth, as the hormones from mommy's body flush out of their little bodies. After completely freaking out and thinking my precious baby was dying, I was assured that this was perfectly normal.

A little late, perhaps? Ya' think?

Would it really be so hard to prepare new mothers for these little surprises? Would it really be so wrong to let us know WHAT TO EXPECT? 

And now, it appears that I am going through another little change which I am woefully unprepared for.

As I get older, and closer and closer to this stage...

I am discovering all sorts of fun and amusing things about myself which, once again, no one has prepared me (or my family) for.

For example, the mood swings. It used to be that I had one or two days a month where I was a teeny tiny bit irritable. As I get older, it seems to be happening more and more often. Mr.Wonderful says that I am like a rabid dog that he wants to just lock in a room and toss a couple of bloody hunks of meat to. Frankly, sometimes, that's how I feel! 

And then there are the migraines. Once upon a time there was one day a month that I had a migraine. Then it became 2 or 3 days a month. And now it is about 4 or 5 days. 

4 or 5 days in which I curl up into a fetal ball...

and plead for quiet...

And plop an ice bag on my head and beg the hormonal gods stabbing me behind my eyes for mercy.

Then there are the random breakouts and the wrinkles and the sagging...umm...body parts and the weight...

I wonder, what's next?

What other fun and quirky little surprises does my body have in store for me which NO ONE HAS PREPARED ME FOR?

I'll tell you a little secret. 

I'm a bit scared.

Looking ahead: Denial is not just a river in Egypt

* In 2 days, The Boy will be home. 


* In 5 days, The Boy AND The Princess will leave for camp.


* In 5 days I will have the house to myself (not counting the various and sundry pets). All to myself. It will be quiet. It will stay clean. What in the world will I do with myself?!!


* In 2 weeks our guest (exchange student) from Spain will arrive to spend 2 1/2 weeks with us. The Princess is quite excited! I am looking for free or nearly free ideas to entertain her. If you're a local and have ideas, let me know! We're planning on spending time boating and swimming, beach days, and a day visiting St. Augustine. Our nation's oldest city is not very old by European standards, but it IS fun and it IS Spanish, so.... We're also thinking about tubing down the Itchetucknee River one day.

* In 13 days it will be The Boy's 17th birthday. I cannot believe that  my baby boy will be 17. I am in denial. It's just not possible. Nope.

* In 49 days The Boy will be starting back at school. In 55 days The Princess will be back at school. My BABY will be in high school! But I don't want to think about that. I am in denial about that as well. I am going to stick my head in the sand and ignore the fact that there is still summer reading and projects to complete. I will also ignore the fact that our lovely, wonderful, summer vacation will be ending and we will be back to hurrying and scurrying and following schedules. 

* In 53 days I will turn 29. Again. Bah Humbug. Wait...that would mean that I was 12 when I had The Boy, wouldn't it? That's kind of gross. Hmm...Let's say that I will be turning 33. That's OK. Right? Right? 

* Please excuse me now while I bury my head in the sand and attempt to ignore the fact that my baby boy will be turning 17 in a few days and that my baby girl will be starting high school soon and that I am old enough to have a 17 year old and 2 high school aged children....

It's just another Manic Monday...

This weekend flew by. I spent the majority of it doing laundry because The Boy was home from camp for a few hours. He got home Saturday afternoon, toting a rather large and odiferous duffle bag full of dirty clothes. He left for camp again this morning, this time to work as a "leader-in-training", toting a duffle bag full of freshly washed and folded clothes.


Guess what I did all day yesterday?


In between being at the washer and dryer's beck and call, I snapped a few photos this weekend...

I woke up early on Sunday and tiptoed outside in hopes of seeing the otters. I am determined to see those stinking critters so I can try to get some photos of them but they are playing hard to get.

I saw herons, egrets, turtles and about 4,390 mullet jumping and flopping around...but no otters.

The weather people had been saying it would rain all day. It was overcast and we were all looking forward to a nice, stormy day to lay around and be lazy.

We heard thunder booming all afternoon and saw storms all around us....

But we didn't get a single drop of rain here. Not one.

The kids, as always, were thrilled to pose for their long suffering, patient, loving mother...

Last night our security system decided to go crazy and began beeping every couple of hours. I kept getting up and re-setting it but as soon a I would fall asleep, it would begin beeping again. I finally gave up at 4:30 am and got up and made some coffee which Jack The Hindenburg thought was his cue to begin his pathetic (and extremely annoying) high pitched, wimpy meowing to be fed. I snarled at him in my sleep deprived, irritated orneriness and he scurried away and hid from the scary human. Smart cat.

Then I went outside again in a vain search for those #*&# otters. 

The stupid otters still weren't there so I snapped a picture of the stupid sunrise and the stupid moon and then went to find more freaking coffee.

The Boy left again for camp and the ridiculous security system started beeping again and the coffee maker just was NOT pouring the coffee out fast enough...I fed the stupid cat while I snarled at him to SHUT UP and rubbed my bleary eyes and wondered where in the world I left my coffee cup...

The Princess then shuffled out of her bedroom with a frown on her face and informed me that she was not in a good mood because the security system had been beeping all night long.

I glared at her and went back to bed.

Happy Monday, everyone.

Once upon a time there was a princess of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns

Once upon a time a beautiful, happy, little princess was born.

The Princess was always smiling and cheerful...

It didn't matter if she were being crushed hugged by her older brother...

or rocking the bling at naptime. She was a HAPPY princess!

The Princess awoke every morning at the crack of dawn bubbling over with happiness and cheer.

She greeted each day with exuberance and delight.

Her parents called her their little sunshine girl.

The Princess was always joyful, cheerful and happy to greet each day with a smile and a giggle...

But then calamity struck.

The cheerful Princess of sunshine, happiness and rainbows was stricken by a horrible affliction...hormones!

Now The Princess sleeps WAY past dawn. She stumbles out of her bedroom moaning and grumbling with grouchiness.

The Princess of sunshine and rainbows and unicorns turned into the Princess of teenage moodiness and hormonal drama.

Her parents were heartbroken. They missed their happy Princess.

The End.

The Week in Review: A motley assortment of this and that

* It was a smoky, hot, muggy week here in north Florida. There are wildfires all over the place and the smoke has been just terrible. Thankfully, we've gotten a bit of rain the past couple of days which has helped to clear out some of the smoke.

* I bought one of these for myself because my old one has disappeared. (Sadly, this type of thing happens often when one has children.) The Princess and I are planning to start going for bike rides in the morning before it gets too hot.

* The Princess, Mr. Wonderful and I went to see a movie the other day. This was a big treat since we usually just rent movies or watch them via pay-per-view. We saw Super 8 and we all loved it! I won't say anything about the movie in case you haven't seen yet, except...

"Production Value!" (This will only make sense if you see the movie.) If you go see it, be sure to stay through the credits at the end.

* We saw the previews for a lot of movies which looked good, but this one looks hilarious. Actually, there was one little joke about drag racing a Prius which I have been giggling about for days. Possibly because I drive a small little hybrid myself.

Anyway, I can't wait to see this one!

* I also just bought some cheesecloth because I am going to try to make this perfect iced coffee courtesy of The Pioneer Woman. Doesn't that sound just perfect for a hot summer day?

(http://thepioneerwoman.com/)

* I have been reading the Artemis Fowl series. The Princess recommended them and I am really enjoying them. I love reading some of the new children's books...I feel as though I missed out since they weren't around when I was a bookworm young girl!

* When I was a flight attendant, many years ago, I often had layovers in Minot, ND. There wasn't much there but it was beautiful country and the people were some of the nicest I have ever met. My heart goes out to that lovely community as they deal with the flooding.

* My heart does NOT go out to the pilot who accidently left his microphone on and spewed his hate and profanity laced  invective out for the world to hear. Shame on you, scumbag!

* And finally...have you seen the news stories about Kim Kardashian? Apparently, she x-rayed her nether regions to prove that her butt is real.

Seriously? Why is this "news?" I certainly don't care. Do YOU care?

Flashback Friday: The lazy blogger's edition

Because I am feeling lazy today and because I just went rummaging through old posts looking for the date that The Boy got his AP exam results last year and found all these old photos and was amazed at how much kids (and cats) can change in a year...


Two years ago in June, I posted these photos...

We spent a lot of time in the boat...

and in the pool...

The Princess had tennis camp that summer...

The Boy was sill learning to slalom...

And we saw a tornado!

And one year ago in June...

The menfolk watched the World Cup...

The Boy went to camp (and did not like me taking pictures!)

He also swam and fished...

Jack was tiny!

And Lucy was sporting some hip shades...

The Princess danced in Coppelia...

and went to Charleston with the youth group...

We saw a lot of manatees...

And dragonflies...