Friday, December 24, 2010

The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas,

when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring,

except the bird, turtle, two cats and the dog;

The stockings were hung 

by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas

soon would be there.

The teenagers were nestled

all snug in their beds,

While visions of ipods, new cell phones, laptop computers and gift cards to Hollister and Forever 21

danced in their heads;

And Mr. Wonderful in his  Obama t-shirt

and I in my flannel nightgown and fuzzy slippers,

Had just settled down

for a long winter's nap-

When out of the night

there arose such a clatter that Mr. Wonderful began cursing CSX and trains and the ridiculous driver who was blowing the horn so loudly and so late at night...

I sprang from my bed 

to see what was the matter.

Away to the window

I flew like a flash,

Tore open the sliding glass doors

and tripped over a cat.

The moon on the reflection

of Doctors Lake,

Gave a luster of midday 

to objects (and docks) below;

When, what to my wondering, nearsighted eyes

should appear,

But a miniature sleigh

and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver

so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment

that either I'd had WAY too much wine the night before or the Navy had a secret aircraft they were doing night exercises with again.  

More rapid than eagles (no, really - they flew right past the eagles)

his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted,

and called them by name-

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer!
Now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On Cupid!
On, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the screened pool,
To the top of the lemon tree!
Now, dash away! Dash Away!
Dash away all!"

As dry leaves and loose shingles before

the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle,

mount to the sky,

So up to the housetop

the coursers they flew,

With sleigh full of toys-

and St. Nicholas too;

And then in a twinkling,

I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing

of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head

and was turning around (listening to Mr. W muttering about how he'd better have insurance and those d*** reindeer better not be pooping all over or damaging our roof),

Down the chimney St. Nicholas

came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur

from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished

with ashes and soot.

A bundle of toys, ipads, Wii's, DVD's, etc.

he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a homeless person

just opening his pack.

His eyes how they twinkled!

His dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses,

his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth

was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard on his chin

was as white as the snow!

The stump of a pipe

he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled

his head like a wreath...and made me cough and gag.

He had a broad face

and a little round belly

That shook when he laughed

like a jar of Welch's grape jelly.

He was chubby and plump-

a right jolly old elf.

And I laughed when I saw him,

in spite of wondering why the alarm didn't go off and the dog didn't bark.

A wink of his eye

and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know

I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word (which, frankly, I thought was rather rude),

but went straight to his work,

And filled the stockings

then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger

aside of his nose,

And giving a nod,

up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,

to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew

like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim

as he drove out of sight,

"Merry Christmas to all

and to all a Good Night!"

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