'Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
except the bird, turtle, two cats and the dog;
The stockings were hung
by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there.
The teenagers were nestled
all snug in their beds,
While visions of ipods, new cell phones, laptop computers and gift cards to Hollister and Forever 21
danced in their heads;
And Mr. Wonderful in his Obama t-shirt
and I in my flannel nightgown and fuzzy slippers,
Had just settled down
for a long winter's nap-
When out of the night
there arose such a clatter that Mr. Wonderful began cursing CSX and trains and the ridiculous driver who was blowing the horn so loudly and so late at night...
I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.
Away to the window
I flew like a flash,
Tore open the sliding glass doors
and tripped over a cat.
The moon on the reflection
of Doctors Lake,
Gave a luster of midday
to objects (and docks) below;
When, what to my wondering, nearsighted eyes
should appear,
But a miniature sleigh
and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver
so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment
that either I'd had WAY too much wine the night before or the Navy had a secret aircraft they were doing night exercises with again.
More rapid than eagles (no, really - they flew right past the eagles)
his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name-
"Now Dasher! Now Dancer!
Now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On Cupid!
On, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the screened pool,
To the top of the lemon tree!
Now, dash away! Dash Away!
Dash away all!"
As dry leaves and loose shingles before
the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle,
mount to the sky,
So up to the housetop
the coursers they flew,
With sleigh full of toys-
and St. Nicholas too;
And then in a twinkling,
I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing
of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head
and was turning around (listening to Mr. W muttering about how he'd better have insurance and those d*** reindeer better not be pooping all over or damaging our roof),
Down the chimney St. Nicholas
came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur
from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished
with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys, ipads, Wii's, DVD's, etc.
he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a homeless person
just opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled!
His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses,
his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth
was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin
was as white as the snow!
The stump of a pipe
he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled
his head like a wreath...and made me cough and gag.
He had a broad face
and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed
like a jar of Welch's grape jelly.
He was chubby and plump-
a right jolly old elf.
And I laughed when I saw him,
in spite of wondering why the alarm didn't go off and the dog didn't bark.
A wink of his eye
and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word (which, frankly, I thought was rather rude),
but went straight to his work,
And filled the stockings
then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger
aside of his nose,
And giving a nod,
up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew
like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim
as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all
and to all a Good Night!"
