Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The one where I talk about my superpowers

Because I am a mom, I have super powers.  

These super powers go beyond the usual and predictable mommy superpowers of eyes in the back of the head, and super hearing, and a radar for when your kids are getting into trouble.  My super powers include an impressive sense of smell, which far surpasses most mere mortal's, but particularly surpasses everyone in my family.

For example, apparently only my extraordinary sense of smell is able to detect the odiferous proof of the overflowing litterbox - which is supposed to be emptied twice a day by The Princess, but usually is only emptied when Super Mom (moi) yells at her to empty it.

My exceptional and singular sense of smell is also the only way anyone in my household is able to determine when items in the refrigerator have become, well...past their prime.  Rancid.  Gross.  Everyone else in the family is able to open the refrigerator door and rummage around looking for food without gagging from the pungent aroma of rotting produce.
My superpowers are not limited to my olfactory superiority, however - I am also blessed (cursed?) with remarkable and phenomenal vision.

One might think this would be impossible, considering my near-sightedness which requires the assistance of corrective lenses - but my amazing vision (one might even call it Super Vision), is able to detect things which normal, ordinary eyes are unable to see.
For example, even after dropping hints and gesturing in the general vicinity, only my Super Vision was able to detect the plastic cap which was dropped on the floor and left there...
or the note card which was crumpled up, tossed on the floor, and which apparently then became invisible to teenage eyes.
To ordinary, teenage eyes it appears that this leash has been hung on the hook where it belongs.  Only my phenomenal x-ray vision is actually able to detect the fact that it is not in fact hanging on the hook, but has actually been tossed carelessly onto the buffet.
And only Super Mom's unprecedented and amazing vision is able to detect the fact that the table is not cleaned off, but is actually still cluttered with kid stuff...

But the proof of my super powers lies in these next two photographs.

You see, ordinary teenage eyes see these beds as made.  Only the super x-ray vision of Super Mom is able to detect the fact that they are not in fact made at all.  In any way.  Not remotely.

Now, you might think that having these amazing super powers would be fun.  Actually, it is a curse.  I wish I were able to turn off the Mommy super powers and blithely walk through the house without being disgusted and bothered by these signs of impending doom.  I wish I were able to see a clean house, rather than a pigsty, like the rest of the family does.

I'm sure that those who live in this house with ordinary, teenage vision wish I were able to do this as well.  Then when I begin screeching for The Princess to pick up her mess from the barstools she wouldn't gaze at me in bewilderment.
It is a curse, I tell you!

And I am left wondering why, exactly, a shoe (only one shoe) has been left sitting on a barstool...while P wonders only what in the world (super) Mom is blathering on about now....

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