When your number's up...

I just had my morning cup of coffee while reading the paper.  I read about the tornadoes that killed so many people over the weekend, about a 19 year old who died after drinking too many caffeine drinks (he had an undiagnosed heart problem), about a car full of teenagers that drove head on into an SUV - 4 teens were killed (alcohol is suspected).  


First of all I just have to say - eewwww.  NOT a nice way to start the day.  Why do I do that?  Why do I read all this doom and gloom news first thing in the morning?  I think I need to re-think my morning routine!


Back in the days before I became a full time mommy and I was still working, people always used to ask me if I was ever nervous about flying.  My answer was always no.  I believed that when your number was up, your number was up - and there was just no sense worrying about it.  I used to say that you could walk into a McDonald's and some idiot could walk in and blow you away...or in the post office...on campus...etc...


I still feel that way for the most part, and I think the events I read about in this morning's paper bear that out.  BUT.  But since I became a mother, I find that I worry about stuff anyway.  When we fly, I always locate the emergency exits, and review in my head what I would do in an emergency - Tim and I always go over who would grab which kid and which exit we would use.  Is that worrying or just being safe?


When we go on car trips, I am always hyper-alert - I don't read or sleep.  I feel like it is my job as the "co-pilot" to help watch for danger (and cops) and help keep the driver awake.  Is that just my natural control-freak tendencies, or am I being ridiculous?


We haven't gotten to the stage yet where we have a teenage driver out late at night, but I'm sure I will not be able to sleep until all my babies are home safely!  I'm sure I will become obsessive about the kids calling, and go over safety (no texting while driving, no drinking, not too many kids in the car, etc.) every single time they take the car out.  Is that crazy behavior, or just using common sense?


It's hard to reconcile my two selves sometimes.  There is the "laid back, you can't control destiny" me...and there is the "crazy, control freak" me.  As I've gotten older I've become a bit of a germ-a-phobe...not in a crazy, Howie Mandel way...but in a take hand-sanitizer everywhere, wipe down the cart at Publix before touching it sort of way.  When anyone in the house is sick, I run the dishwasher constantly - on the high-temperature, sanitizing cycle.  I also do laundry on that cycle when there are germs around.  Tim thinks that may be a bit obsessive.  As well as expensive!  I am always watching when the kids are in the pool, or on the dock.  In the boat?  I sit there perched on my seat, constantly looking around for hidden dangers.  


The point of this long, rambling post is that I'm not sure how I feel about the randomness of life anymore.  For someone who professes to believe that "when your number is up, your number is up"...I sure do try to control everything and keep everyone safe!  So, am I becoming obsessive - or am I just being a mom?


What do YOU think?