Friday, March 25, 2011

A story about a moronic dog and a dead snake

Once upon a time (just the other day) when a handsome prince (The Boy) was mowing the lawn, he ran over a snake. It was an accident...he truly didn't see it in time to swerve. He was a good prince and would never kill an innocent creature...even a snake.

A few hours later, Lucy, the royal, idiotic canine, came prancing in the house with her tail held high and a smug look on her face. She was grinning (she really was!) Within a few seconds, the reek of decay had permeated the castle. The beautiful and wise queen (Me!) was gagging from the foul stench that wafted from the happily oblivious, stinky pooch.

The handsome prince took the moronic dog outside and set off to investigate. The dead snake was gone. They could only assume that the stupid canine had rolled on it before she ate it.

(I know...Gross!)

The prince took the smelly dog outside to bath her while the queen aired the royal household out and sprayed Febreeze everywhere and tried to banish the evil, malodorous stench.

The prince bathed her twice. He lathered her with shampoo and let it sit on her for 10 minutes before rinsing the soap out. 

She still reeked.

The wise and wonderful queen finally decided to try a magical concoction. She mixed 50% vinegar and 50% water. They washed the pooch again and then rinsed her in the magical vinegar mixture and let it dry on her.

It worked! Hooray!

Now the castle smells like a pickle factory rather than a slaughterhouse.

(OK, not smelled like vinegar for a few hours and then it faded. But even if it hadn't, trust me, it was a HUGE improvement over the nasty, funky smell of dead snake.)

And they all lived happily ever after. Well, except for the snake, of course....

The End

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